Feeling meh
A little numb and dissociated, anyone else?
It’s so hard to point to one specific cause of the “meh” I’ve been feeling. Could be hormones/perimenopause. Could be PMS, as my period is due any day. Could be seasonal depression. Could be the traumatic horror show we’re all living through that’s playing out in the media nonstop, which is only compounded by everyone posting about it on every single social media channel. Could be all of those things. All I know for sure is, I feel numb, disconnected, and a little sad most of the time. I feel guilty about that too, because I’m simultaneously traveling, planning upcoming travel, getting paid to teach things I’m passionate about, and being loved by my incredible boyfriend.
I don’t feel like making plans with friends. I don’t feel like planning my 40th birthday in April. I don’t feel like having phone sex. I don’t feel like going to the gym. I don’t feel like smiling or laughing. Nothing feels very funny right now.
If it was 2003 I’d be leaving angsty cryptic away messages on AIM. Likely Dashboard Confessional lyrics. They were always my go to.
But it’s 23 years later and now I have a Substack so I can be a bit more descriptive and direct in my sharing. So here it is. This is the realness. No sugar coating. No positive spin at the end. Shit feels hard, and I’m having a hard time. If you are too, I see you.
I want to share a workshop that I recorded back in December with Nick. It’s about creating collaborative fantasies and being able to assess and communicate your capacity for play. These skills have been serving me well as I navigate this funk I’m in. I hope they’ll serve you too. As always, y’all get 15% off as my loyal readers. Here’s the link.